Statistics show that about one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage, but that still doesn’t make going through a pregnancy loss yourself or watching someone you love experience a loss any easier.
A miscarriage is an extremely emotional and personal journey, so it can be challenging to know the best way to provide miscarriage support to someone going through a loss. But showing that you care will mean more than you could imagine to a mama going through a loss. Showing support for someone going through a miscarriage could be as simple as a text or phone call, but if you’re looking for a miscarriage gift to give, here are some thoughtful and meaningful ideas.
Flowers are a great way to show miscarriage support. I’m a big fan of greenery-based bouquets, like a fragrant bunch of eucalyptus, or a potted succulent garden or snake plant that will last longer than a few weeks.
You might also consider gifting a peace lily, which symbolizes peace and sympathy, or a rosemary plant, which stands for remembrance. Or bouquets of wildflowers from Trader Joe’s are a more budget-friendly option. No matter what you send, flowers are a small way to bring light into someone’s day.
Insist on Helping
Now, let’s be clear: this doesn’t mean just offering to help. This means actually helping. Some women, especially moms, have a hard time asking for help, regardless of the load they are carrying themselves. Others may not be in a place where they can actually think of what needs to be done, so they certainly won’t feel comfortable asking others to do it.
So, instead of saying, “Let us know if you need anything,” instead be specific in your offers to help. For instance, you could say: “I’d like to take the kids to the park this afternoon, what time would be good to pick the kids up?” Or, “What night can I drop off dinner this week?” Offer to drop groceries off on her porch, pick up coffee and muffins and don’t pressure her to talk if she doesn’t want to, leave some books on her doorstep—you get the idea.
And if you’re not able to physically offer help, don’t overlook the gesture of sending an e-gift card to a local eatery. Even something as seemingly simply as taking something off her family’s plate without the guesswork will be much appreciated.
Wear Her Heart on Her Sleeve
One of the most meaningful things you can do for a mother going through a loss is to give her the gift of remembrance. It can be difficult for some women who have experienced a miscarriage to feel like they have the “right” to grieve—they may try to write off their feelings because it was “too early” or “other women have had it worse,” but the truth is: a loss is a loss and it deserves to be grieved and remembered in any way that she feels.
Gifting jewelry might feel personal, so you should only offer what you feel comfortable with, but there are some beautiful pieces of remembrance jewelry out there, like this gorgeous interlocking rings necklace or this necklace that honors a baby who will be carried in her heart forever.
An Ultrasound Photo Frame
The ultrasound photo may be the only picture she has of her baby, so it will likely be treasured forever. When she’s ready, you could consider gifting her with this classic silver and black frame for the ultrasound. And if she named her little one, it can even be personalized.
Or choose this watercolor rendering, which has various colors, quotes, and sizes available and is truly a special way to remember a baby gone too soon.
Journal it Out
Sometimes, you just have to get it out on paper. Try gifting her with a beautiful journal like a classic black leather journal to help her process the grief that comes along with miscarriage.
Give the Gift of Memory
This lovely wooden memory box could be a special place where she can tuck away all the mementos of the pregnancy, from ultrasound photos to the positive pregnancy test.
Send a Remembrance Statue
Something like a Willow statue or other remembrance item can be a visible way to honor a loss that can be so hard to deal with because it feels invisible to others.
Last but not least, keep in mind that the most important thing you can do for a friend or family member going through a miscarriage is just to show up and listen.
Most people shy away from talking about sad things or avoiding uncomfortable situations but simply showing up, sitting with her in her grief, and, if she wants, letting her talk about her baby, is a gift in itself. A simple, “I’m here for you,” might mean more than any gift you could ever give.
Frequently Asked Questions
What do you say to someone who had a miscarriage?
Try phrases like “I’m here for you,” “I’m so sorry for your loss,” or even, if you’ve experienced miscarriage yourself, “I know how devastating a miscarriage can be.” Also, simply letting mom talk about her grief, her baby, and how she’s feeling is a great way to provide miscarriage support.
What should you not say to someone who’s had a miscarriage?
Shy away from phrases like “Everything happens for a reason,”“God has a plan,” or “You’ll have another baby.” Implying that this happened for a reason is not going to help her grieve and as anyone who has miscarried will tell you, it doesn’t matter if they can have another baby or not—they still deserve to grieve this loss.
How do you cheer someone up after a miscarriage?
Rather than focusing on how to cheer a loved one up after a miscarriage, focus more on how to help them with the grieving process. Your role is to offer support, not try to cheer them up. Grief deserves to be felt and acknowledged.
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